Thursday, July 31, 2014

Frustration!

I am currently at the heaviest I have been since I actually knew how much I weighed.  I know, that sounds odd, but I never really owned a scale until shortly before I started Weight Watchers and my home scale is about 5 pounds nicer to me than the WW scale.  When I originally started Weight Watchers (has it been 4 years or 5?), I weighed 219.  As of today's weigh-in, I currently weigh 224.2.

I did originally lose almost 30 lbs, but slowly put it back on.  Then last year, I lost 13 lbs, and quickly put that back on again...and then some.  Never once did I stop going to meetings.  But I hate tracking.  I hate that I have to count every single thing that I eat.  It doesn't seem fair.  I've never been one to pig out.  I never ate an entire carton of ice cream, bag of chips, package of cookies.

Sure, there are some things I know I need to improve.  More fruits and veggies.  Less carbs.  But I quit drinking soda years ago.  I stay away from the candy dish at work.  I'd love to say I stay away from all candy, but that would be a lie.  But I see people who eat much more than I do on a daily basis and they are so much smaller than I am.

I eat less now and better now than I did before I joined Weight Watchers!  So why do I weigh more?  Did I sabotage myself by joining in the first place?  I was ok where I was before.  I knew I was heavy, always have been, but I never felt awful about myself.  I just figured it was who I was.  But now, it feels like no matter what I do, I can't lose weight and if I eat anything "bad", all I do is gain.

Do I want to lose weight and look good?  Hell, yes!  But do I want to spend the entire rest of my life stressing about every single thing I eat?  Do I want to have to spend every spare moment working out?  NO!  And right now, I feel like that is what I need to do.  So I'm extremely frustrated!  I want to have it easy.  I want to be like my husband who went to the doctor earlier this year and, without even trying, lost 13 lbs.  It's not fair!  Why do I have to work so hard?

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